How to Get Absolutely Nothing Done


Honestly, it’s a skill that I’ve worked really hard to perfect over the course of many, many years. It’s not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of dedication but, in the end, it’s absolutely worth it! And that’s why, today, I’m going to share how you, too, can become a master of getting absolutely nothing done.

Step One: Commit yourself to the cause. This is probably the number one hardest part of managing to get absolutely nothing done. If you can’t fully commit and take this thing seriously, you’re bound to fail right out the gate. Be committed. Be dedicated. Don’t give in and do that thing!

Step Two: Pick up your phone. You heard me, pick it up! Scroll through your notifications. Nothing grabbing your attention there? Okay, tap the tempting little icon to open up Facebook. Scroll mindlessly through your newsfeed. Then move on to Instagram, scroll; Twitter, scroll; TikTok, scroll… you get the idea? Find today’s rabbit hole and dive in!

Step Three: Dig in deeper! Grab your larger screen tablet, open up your laptop, or fire up your desktop machine of choice. Some of those rabbit holes you jumped into on your phone require more in-depth Google research for no reason other than because you can. That should take up a tidy bit of time, and because you’re so deep down the rabbit hole, there’s definitely no time right now to be doing that thing!

Step Four: Dinner. Oh my, would you look at the time? Realize that you are, indeed, feeling a bit peckish. Shuffle on out to the kitchen. Open up the pantry door and look over the options. Open up the fridge and just stare into that too for a bit. Remember that cool recipe video you watched earlier and decide to do that.

Step Five: Distraction. Get drawn into an ad for some useless thing you’d never in a million years have thought about while trying to follow the video recipe. Grab a bag of chips to eat instead and spend the next several hours online shopping and adding things to your carts (yes, multiple carts, at multiple stores, while searching for the best price with free shipping) that you have no intention of actually buying.

Step Six: Yawn! Oh, damn! It’s waaaaay past my bedtime. I guess I’ll need to try to get that thing done tomorrow instead. Goodnight, internet.

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